Review: The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter

The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Cassie is anxiously waiting for her 18th birthday, because her life can start over again. After being committed into the psych ward by her mother, even though she's not crazy, Cassie gets to release herself from the crazy place when she legally becomes an adult, no matter what anyone says.

And her mother even got her into college, so she will start classes and start fresh.

Except Cassie is having a hard time figuring out who she is. She's been having a lot of flashbacks about her past, her growing up and her family life. Cassie doesn't have the best relationship with her parents or her older brother. In fact, those three are the ones who tied her up with rope and delivered her to the psych ward.

But Cassie wants to be loved, and who's supposed to love her more than her family, right?

The more memories Cassie had, though, the more she has to figure out how to love again. Because with a new boy at school who is showing her attention and a new friend she is now rooming with, Cassie is realizing that she may be damaged beyond repair to have a new life.

There is only so much one person can go through before completely losing everything they love the most.

This book. This is an intense book. So much more intense than I could even imagine based on the title, cover and description. If it wasn't for my bookclub, I'm not sure if I would have finished it because there were a lot of things in this book that causes triggers, and one was very close to my "not reading" rule.

I feel so much for Cassie. She has a crappy life growing up as a child. Everyone was ignoring her, treating her like she did everything wrong, and they were so man to her. And all Cassie wanted was love. For a little girl to grow up without love is just heartbreaking and so sad. That is all little kids want, and for Cassie to see everyone loving everyone else except her is just terrible.

And then for her family, the people she is supposed to trust the most in her life, to tie her up and drag her to the psych ward like she is nothing but a crazy person? Just terrible.

I loved seeing Cassie in college living her life, but it wasn't really Cassie. She was only doing certain things because the people around her expected her to do it, or they really wanted her to do something and Cassie just gave in. She wasn't living life for herself, but for the people around her.

I love Liz, though. She is so compassionate and caring and Cassie had no idea what to do around her. She was so shocked by everything Liz said and did and I don't blame Cassie for her hesitation after seeing how everyone else in her life has treated her.

The ending had so many good feels and so many possibilities that could happen, so I am glad that I finished the book. But it will probably never be a book that I re-read because it is just too depressing for 75% of the book.

I'll be interested to see what the rest of my bookclub group thinks about this book!

View all my reviews